Monthly Archives: April 2020

THS To Institute Strict Handwashing Protocol

Kathryn Wilkinson ‘20
FF CDC Director-In-Training

Editor’s Note: Happy April Fools’ Day

In light of events surrounding the coronavirus and the recent discovery that most teenage boys do not wash their hands before leaving the restroom, the administration has decided to enact strict guidelines for handwashing and hygiene for both students and staff upon returning to school. 

A lot of thought and planning, about twenty minutes and a handful of emails to be exact, has been put into this new policy to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the THS community. Everyone must understand these guidelines, so please read this carefully.  

In each and every bathroom, there will be a handwashing police, of the same gender, stationed by the sinks. The primary job of this new staff is to ensure proper handwashing of each and every student. Students are required to use one pump of soap and scrub for at least twenty seconds, then rinse. 

Failure to follow these incredibly elementary rules will result in consequences. The handwashing police has the right to reprimand. If a student chooses to not wash their hands at all, there will be a mandatory one day in school suspension. If a student does not wash their hands for at least twenty seconds or does not engage in proper scrubbing, the student will be asked to rewash their hands. If they still fail to follow protocol the handwashing police will issue a handwashing citation. If a student earns three citations, they will be subject to a lunch detention. 

However, there are benefits to properly washing your hands. All handwashing police will be equipped with gold star stickers. Earning five gold star stickers will earn you a free item at the school store. 

Student Gets A Good Night’s Sleep

Sandy Mann ‘8-10
FF Late Night Reporter

Cat Knapp (2nd from left) performing with the THS Unicycling Club

Last night, Senior Catherine “Cat” Knapp reportedly achieved the eight hours of sleep recommended by the American Sleep Association, becoming at once both a role model and source of envy to much of the student body.

“It was a lot of hard work to get here, but my new motto is ‘snooze it or lose it!’” remarked Knapp, citing the huge mental and physical strains consistently bad sleeping habits can have on teenagers.

Getting a full eight hours of sleep may not seem like such a noteworthy accomplishment, but for Knapp, who will be the first Trumbull High School student to attend the prestigious Sleepford University in New York City, balancing her busy academic schedule and extracurricular activities with a solid night’s sleep is quite the feat.

“It took hours of practice and preparation,” recalled Knapp. “Despite my substantial commitments as Captain of the Co-Ed Varsity Curling Team; President of the Unicycling Club; and the future Prime Minister of England, as well as having to balance the work of my nine AP classes, I felt it was my duty to work toward consistently sleeping a solid eight to ten hours a night. As I will soon be moving to ‘The City that Never Sleeps’, I need to get into a good sleep routine in order to avoid taking to the bad habits of my new neighbors.”

Thinking of the skills that she learned in AP Fatigue Elimination, thought to be the hardest class taught at the high school, Knapp started by working to make the best of her study time.

Knapp said, “I spent time learning how to read Braille in order to maximize the amount of books I could read at a time. This way, I could read four books at a time— two books with my eyes and two books with my hands.” This strategy allowed Knapp to cut her study time in half, even if she now suffers from eye strain and constant migraines.

Then, she had many unsuccessful practice attempts to reach her eight hour goal, having to overcome much insomnia over the nights, until it all eventually fell into place. Knapp recalled, “To the contrary of the common belief, I found that it was actually better to let the bedbugs bite.”

Knapp is hopeful that she will be able to keep a streak of nights well slept, saying that she will no longer partake in her regular “Two Hour” Tuesday’s and “What’s Sleep?” Wednesday’s. She encourages other students to aim to get sufficient amounts of sleep but suggests trying different methods to get there, saying, “Now that I think of it, my efforts were probably a bit extreme.”

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