Raphael Sullivan ’23
EE Staff Writer
With senior skip day coming up, and all other grade levels itching to get out of school, I have created the perfect lineup of excuses and their rating out of ten. Don’t fear freshmen, I have also added a freshmen-friendly classification. For all the seniors who are suddenly going to fall sick this Friday, and all the underclassmen who will soon mature into school skippers, this is the perfect list of all get-out school-free cards.
Calling out sick 7/10
This is an oldy but a goody. The house office staff probably hear these 50 times a day. Not only can this excuse stretch multiple days if done correctly, but the school also can’t doubt you. This method only gets a few points taken off because of its unoriginality. If you’re going to skip school, at least give an interesting excuse. It also loses a point because if you want to leave early, the nurses will do everything in their power to keep you in the building. Overall though, this is a very easy and freshmen-friendly excuse to skip school.
Having a doctor’s/dentist’s appointment 5/10
This method is also a classic. The appointment route, much like calling out, knows its purpose and is good at it. The reason it get’s such a low score is that it only works for half a day. Doctor and dentist appointments only last one or two hours. If you really stretch it, you can leave school for about three hours, however, it is exceedingly unlikely that an appointment would last a whole school day. If you are trying to miss an entire day, pick one of the other methods. Half credit for getting out for half a day. This route is also freshmen-friendly.
Taking a mental health day 3/10
While this is technically what you are doing, the house offices will not be pleased with this response. Just think about it, there’s a reason most people call out sick rather than call for a mental health day. I’m sure no one reading this article wants to be pulled out of class to talk to their counselor because they took a mental health day. This method is probably best for honest freshmen and people who really like their counselors.
Family emergency 5/10
As the author of this piece, I will not judge your moral capacity for selecting this option. This is definitely one of the rarer reasons as family emergencies tend to not happen often. Also, it would be exceedingly difficult to convince your parent to lie about serious family drama. This method does get some points as no one would doubt you. Plus, it gives the house office staff something to gossip about for the day. Would not recommend this, especially for freshmen.
Help, my girlfriend turned into a worm! 10/10
This is the perfect response. To make it even more perfect, instruct the adult to hang up immediately after. It is exceedingly important to not give any context to this message to produce the most confusion possible. This method also lets the house office know that you are unapologetically skipping, great for senior skip day. The worm aspect will completely flabbergast anyone who happens to be in earshot of the message. Amazing response, however, this method is NOT freshmen-friendly.