Finnegan Thompson ’26
EE Advice Columnist
Q. I am in a dire predicament. My locker has officially declared independence and refuses to open for anyone but the janitor, who, naturally, only shows up when I really need to get my homework. I’ve tried negotiating with it, bribing it with gum, and even performing interpretive dances in front of it, but nothing works. Meanwhile, my backpack is staging a protest by refusing to carry anything but snacks, and my shoes have gone on strike because they’re tired of walking me to the wrong classrooms. How do I restore order before my entire school life collapses into chaos? -Anonymous Freshman
A. I am very sorry to hear that things are not going your way. I’ll take each of your points one at a time. For your locker, I would suggest asking one of your friends or classmates for their locker combination. Most of the people I know don’t use their locker so I think that you will eventually find someone to help. If this doesn’t work, try asking your house principal to see if you can use a vacant locker. For your backpack, I typically find that a knapsack or lunchbox satisfies all of my food transportation needs while keeping said goodies separate from my papers. To remedy your navigational concerns, carrying a printout of your schedule or setting it as your phone’s wallpaper might prove useful.
Q. If you had to rank the bathrooms at THS from best to worst, how would you rank them? -Anonymous Freshman
A. My ranking goes as follows. I have provided rationale for my choices to explain my thinking.
1.) Bathroom closest to hydration hallway: This one is obviously the best as it has the most capacity and the sinks actually work most of the time. The fact that it has no mirrors is my only nitpick.
2.) Bathrooms in the lower halls: They don’t have as much real estate as my first pick but they are still decent. I find that they only really get crowded during the passing periods, however. These bathrooms are not at all bad, just not my favorite.
3.) Bathrooms in the upper halls: I find that these are always crowded in my experience. They are also more of a hassle to get to which also brings their ranking down.
4.) Locker room bathroom: There is only one urinal and one toilet. They are also not in a separate room, just in a little alcove not separated at all from the rest of the room. This makes it very awkward to use. There is always a line before gym class starts and I always find myself doing everything I can to avoid it. This is the only bathroom that I will flat-out say that I do not particularly enjoy using.
I very much enjoyed doing this, please let me know if there is anything else that you would like me to rank.
Q. If you had to describe your high school career as one movie, which would it be and why? -Anonymous Freshman
A. I would have to say that Napoleon Dynamite best encompasses my high school career. Firstly, that film follows the adventures of high school-aged characters. Second, the things that happen in that movie are not at all predictable. You just never know what is going to happen next, which perfectly describes the attitude I have every day when I go to school. As I tell my friends, “Just when I think I’ve seen it all, I see something that leaves me completely gobsmacked”. Finally, I feel that I can relate to the main character of Napoleon as I am also a member of my local FFA chapter and possess some rather acquired tastes that not many people truly understand.