Jude Magnotti ’26
EE Co-Managing Editor
If any of you have ever experienced life, you know that disappointment is unfortunately one of the most common fates you will experience. Even more unfortunately, very few people have experienced more self induced disappointment than I have. Whether it was the entire Star Wars sequel trilogy, the entire Star Wars prequel trilogy, or literally anything to do with Star Wars whatsoever (outside the originals); getting my hopes up too high has caused my own downfall time and time again.
However, there is one series that has always been there for me during my hard times. A series so consistent, so dependable, so MAGICAL I never thought I could be disappointed ever again. That series used to be the Harry Potter franchise.
A magical world created by J.K. Rowling has stood the test of time against critics and book banners alike (I am a Hufflepuff if you could not already tell).
Nevertheless, nothing in life can ever be perfect and the flawless reality of hope and happiness I had crafted around my love for the Harry Potter series all came crashing down on one fateful day: July 31st, 2016, the release date of Harry Potter And The Cursed Child.
After being the first one in line to buy the screenplay at my local bookstore, I sat down to dive into what I thought would be my next magical Harry Potter experience. However, by the time I finished it I felt nothing but a gaping empty hole inside my soul as if someone had cast “Avada Kedavra!” on me.
Now to be clear, this is not a hate rant trashing the entire play (okay I lied it kind of is). Nonetheless, the absolute flaming hot dumpster fire that is this story is something that has been called out for years by Potterheads across the internet. Now, it is my turn to throw my wand into the action.
First off, this is not a criticism of the technical aspects of the play, but rather just the story itself. As someone who has only read the screenplay (three times unfortunately), I can not begin to imagine what it is like to actually experience the play inside the theater. From what I have heard from fellow Potterheads, it is an absolute marvel of theater tech genius with revolutionary methods of sound effects, lighting, and stage movement. With that being said, it won’t stop me from absolutely ripping the very fabric of this story to shreds. Before I go into detail about the many, many flaws of this story, let’s address some of the positives. In case you haven’t read the book, there will be many spoilers up ahead.
1: Albus And Scorpius Friendship
While there are certainly several things I hate about this play, I must concede that the friendship between Harry’s son Albus and Draco’s son Scoripus is one of my favorite relationships in the Harry Potter series. Every interaction they have with each other is not only so wholesome, but just watching the constant banter between these two is hilarious. I also appreciate how they brought the children of the two sworn enemies Harry and Draco together instead of just repeating friendships between Harry’s son and Ron and Hermione’s children. Breathe this praise in Cursed Child fans, because it only gets worse from here.
2: Dracos Growth As A Person:
It is no secret that Draco, despite his evil and crude exterior, is one of the most beloved characters in this series (mostly because of Tom Felton). With this being known, it only makes his redemption arc in both the books as well as the continuation into this play even more satisfying. Draco escaping his family’s servitude for Voldermort as well as the pure blood mania that the Malfoys pushed on him really shows how far he has come from darkness into the light.
3; The Performance Of The Actors On Stage
Needless to say, Broadway has fostered some of the best acting talents that the world has ever seen. Despite my opinions of the story, I will concede that the best actors are the ones who are able to do the best things with the worst scripts. Every actor on stage is truly passionate about their performance, and despite me never having seen it live, I can only imagine how they each fill the atmosphere in the room with such grace.
4: The Technical Aspects Of The Play And It’s Presentation On Stage
Once again while I have never seen this play in person, through clips I’ve watched as well as rave reviews from theater goers, the technical aspects of this play must be incredible to see in person. Making a play out of Harry Potter is a tall task as it is, but the fact that they were able to somehow beautifully put the presentation together only furthers your faith in Broadway magic.
Yup, that’s it. Those are genuinely the only three good things I can think of about this book. Outside of that, I am not sure if there is a single aspect of this story that I do not have a problem with. Obviously, I can’t cover all of them, but don’t you think for one moment that I am not going to move heaven and earth to try. Buckle in Potterheads, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
1: The Story Was Not Primarily Written By J.K. Rowling
While the Cursed Child is marketed as an original story by J.K. Rowling, her involvement was essentially non-existent outside the base characters. Almost the entirety of the play was written by writers and directors Jack Thorne and John Tiffany. Two writers, who had in fact never even read the books prior to getting the job (who knows if they even have to this day). Having such inexperienced writers who had essentially no background knowledge on Harry Potter going in is a recipe for disaster. As you will soon begin to see, their lack of Harry Potter knowledge as well as basic common sense will become apparent very quickly.
2: The Entire Characterization And Writing Of Harry Potter
With the entire series being named after this one person, you would have figured that the writers would have the decency to at least get Harry right. Unfortunately, the title character in his own series is apparently not allowed to be written at least slightly well. The main problem being that Harry Potter, the dedicated, fierce, and loyal hero who defeated Lord Voldermort is apparently now the biggest scumbag and most emotionally abusive father that we have ever seen. While I appreciate the idea that Harry’s childhood trauma and abuse from the Dursleys could have followed him into adulthood, absolutely nothing that Harry does in this entire play is in line with what has been set up the past 7 books. He is a horrible father to Albus, an awful husband to Ginny, and most of all just a complete jerk in every scene he is in. Not only is he a awful person, he is an attention seeking glory hog who brags all the time and even signs autographs for fans. This is not the Harry Potter we grew to love, and it only hurts more once you realize Rowling made this canon to the original story (oh trust me I’ll get to that later).
3: Ginny Is A Passive, Easily Pushed Over Person.
For those of you who don’t know, Harry and Ginny are one of my absolute favorite couples in the books (not the movies). Ginny’s journey from being Ron’s awkward little sister, to being a full-fledged powerful and independent woman is truly incredible to follow. Seeing Harry’s perspective of her change as his feelings for her begin to creep up is interesting to watch as well. However, you can not tell me that Ginny, one of the most strong willed characters in the series, is going to stand by and watch Harry absolutely berate and emotionally abuse Albus. To see her go from the previously will-driven person we knew to not doing anything about the abusive treatment of her son is simply unfathomable.
4: Ron Acting Like Fred And George The Entire Time
I will admit that while Ron Weasly does end up being the comic relief most of the time (mostly in the movies), he acts way too much like his brothers Fred and George in the play. While Ron acting like Fred after his death does pose an interesting idea of coping mechanisms to deal with the loss of a loved one, it is simply too much. Ron is a loyal and fierce friend in the books and he just ends up being this goofy silly comic relief character in the play who just so happens to be Harry’s best friend and married to Hermione.
5: Bringing Back Time Turners (And Their Many Many Plot Holes)
Needless to say, time travel has caused more plot holes than almost any other plot device in fiction. In Harry Potter, time turners seem to be no exception to this rule. After first appearing in The Prisoner Of Azkaban, time turners were deliberately written out of the story to avoid creating too much confusion. However, it is not only the choice to bring time turners back that is ill-advised, but the fact that they based their entire story on the reliability of these problem causing devices. To make matters worse, the rules for each time turner completely changed. As opposed to how time turners originally worked sending you back for however long you want, time turners in this play conveniently only work for five minutes at a time. Oh wait! We’re only going to have that apply to the FIRST time turner that way Harry and the gang can go back and save Albus and Scorpius with the second one because plot convenience! To make matters worse, they establish that time turners are supposed to age you the amount of years you travel, but CONVENIENTLY when the gang gets back to 2023 no one has aged at all! All these problems with time turners lead me to possibly the most prevalent problem in the story…
6: Lazy Writing
As I previously mentioned, writers Jack Throne and John Tiffany couldn’t care less to put a single bit of thought or effort into the story. Time turners are a prime example of this with not only the massive plot holes they cause, but the fact that they were conveniently brought back after being written out. Another major example of this is to thrust Voldemort and the death eaters back into the story. We have had to deal with Voldemort in our face over and over again for the past 7 books. Fans don’t want the same story over and over again, they want something new and original within the wizarding world. Every single detail and plot point of the play is substituted with something to make the writers jobs easier. Instead of coming up with new and original ideas and plot points, they use pre-existing tropes with brand new rules to allow for easy plot convenience. Lazy writing can kill a story within just the first few scenes, and that’s exactly what happened with this play.
7: Hermione Apparently Failing At Life Because She Did Not Marry Ron
While this play’s handling of Ron and Hermione’s relationship is one of the better parts of the play, there are still a few absolutely ridiculous ideas they try to force. In the reality where Ron and Hermione never ended up together, Ron ends up successful with Padma while Hermione ends up a grumpy old Hogwarts teacher having done nothing in her life. Not only are they not ending up together because Ron got jealous of Hermione and Krum ridiculous, but the fact that the most talented witch in the series did not do anything just because she did not end up with a man?? I am sorry but that is almost impossible to believe and is a flat out insult to Hermione’s character.
8: Cedric Diggory Becoming A Death Eater Because He Lost A Tournament
Cedric Diggory’s fall to the dark side might be the second most ridiculous thing to happen in this story (and that’s saying something). You’re telling me that Hufflepuff Cedric Diggory, the loyal and brave Cedric Diggory we knew is going to turn into a death eater and murderer because he lost a tournament?!? Mind you this is the same Cedric Diggory who refused to leave Harry in the graveyard even when Harry begged him to (which ultimately resulted in Cedric’s death). His father maybe would have followed this path, but Cedric was not at all obsessed with power and fame. In fact, he hated all the attention he got from the triwizard tournament. All he cared about was helping his friends and leading his house to glory, not greed and power as the play makes it out to be. But beware, because this does not even compare to the single most ridiculous thing in the entire book…
9: VOLDEMORT HAVING AN HEIR?!?!?!(WITH BEATRIX NO LESS!?!?!)
There are a lot of things that don’t make sense in this story, but Voldemort having a kid might just take the cake. First off, It completely ruins the relationship between Bellatrix and Voldemort that’s established in the books. Bellatrix is in love with and infused with Voldemort. However, since Tom Riddle’s mother drugged his father with a love potion, Voldemort was born with the inability to feel any sort of love or affection for even those closest towards him. As such, Bellatrix repeatedly tries to prove her worth to the dark lord, but Voldemort is only concerned with power and brushes her away time and time again. This makes the fact that they got together not only confusing, but also utterly disgusting to begin with. Second off (and most importantly), WHY WOULD VOLDEMORT EVER WANT AN HEIR!?!? The whole point of his character is that he wants to live forever over muggles and wizards as the most powerful being in the world. Why would a man who believes he is going to live forever as a result of his horcruxes ever try to conceive an heir? On top of that, Voldemort having an heir would not only not make sense, but it would be counterproductive towards his goal. Having a descendant just as evil as him who could one day even compete with him? Even if Voldemort had an heir he would kill it instantly in order to make sure that his journey to power was unbothered. Still, despite the countless mind-numbing hours of thinking about this story, my biggest problem with it does not even lie in the story itself. It lies outside of it.
10: The Fact That The Story Is Canon
If the Cursed Child was a stand-alone play, I could live with it. It would not keep me up at night for nearly as many hours as it does now. Sure it is a horrible and disappointing story, but it’s not bothering anyone right? WRONG! Because J.K. Rowling had to make the story canon just to go out and sell more tickets. The fact that this story is genuinely what happens after every single thing we went through in the books makes me cringe with disgust. The fact that the characters we once fell in love with could be reduced to such hollow shells of their former self is utterly heartbreaking. It is as if every single word, every single scene, every single moment we witnessed in each of the books had vanished into thin air as the walking dumpster pale of a play that is the Cursed Child took its place.
Still, despite everything that I have said, and everything wrong with the story, I still think that you should go see it in person if you have the opportunity. Horrible story or not, it is still not every day that you get to see Harry Potter adapted to a place as magical as the stage. While the story itself does a disservice to the Harry Potter universe, the presentation and performances of the actors do not. So as much as it pains me to say it, we have to accept this play as part of Harry Potter whether we like it or not. Who knows, maybe one day we can look past its flaws and find just one tiny sliver of that old Harry Potter magic in the story…Just kidding, it’s still complete trash.